I am happy to admit that the main reason for my lack of presence here or anywhere else online is down to one simple thing, a good thing- I AM READING. after a jacksons-induced inability to do anything on returning home but watching tv or baking or sleeping, and after the weird 4 months of listlessness where I either knit or gazed off into space, I am properly back into reading books again- and books I haven't already read as well, NEW books. yes a lot of it is because I have unlimited access at the library, but a lot is the free time and the lack of stress. oher things stress me now, often majorly, but not to the point where I can't switch off.

the problem with this newfound love of reading new books is that I have read some almighty clunkers. and my problem with clunkers is that I hold them personally responsible for the loss of valuable time which could have been spent doing something more productive. "a quiet belief in angels" and "rose of sebastopol"? good books, some faults but otherwise very enjoyable. "case histories" and "red shift"? don't waste your time. you could smell a flower and be more intellectually stimulated. in fact, don't ask me about red shift at all. trust me.

free time has also meant, oddly, that I suddenly care about how the house looks. we decided the other day to move some furniture about, which resulted in a smelly discovery- MOLD under the expedit. so far I hace scrubbed with vanish twice, shampooed with an industrial carpet cleaner twice, and smeared the affected area with baking soda and vinegar in desperation. but no, it still smells. perversely chris doesn't notice the smell half as much as I do, though I'm sure it's a lot more dangerous for him to be around than me....anyway, the front room would look really cool now if we didn't have the table and chairs and vacuum and carpet cleaner all piled in the center of it.

totallypinkrock

I AM SICK AND HAVE BEEN SO FOR FAR TOO LONG. nothing like a seasonal virus to keep you on.off your toes. crispy has the far more yucky version, but mine is pretty damn bad. not impressed. have taken two days off sick from work, and we all know how much I enjoy doing THAT. happy new year's. still, a nice holiday, discounting incredibly painful coughing and random 5-hour afternoon naps.

this year has been not too bad. not the best of my life on all counts, but very good in most categories (and great in the "finally got a new job" and "love my husband" categories). just a few have let the side down.

in an attempt to cash in on the crispex's endless lists and evaluations of the year's musical/literary offerings, I think everyone should own a copy of gruff rhys's "candylion", which ok I know was released in 2006 but shut up, it's still the best album of this year. give an ill girl a break. and season 4 of original law and order has turned out to be a cracker as well. so go get it.

we are coming back to the states in february so prepare yourselves. I'm going to go collapse in a haze of sneezes now.

since I posted. this does not mean I am dead; merely that I am absolutely effing exhausted! who'd have thought 24 hours a week could be so draining?

it's a different kind of draining than jacksons was, in that I'm not constantly on my toes and having to be responsible for everything all the time, including wayward youth and drunken elders. there's no deadlines at all- shelving not getting done? "they'll get it tomorrow" or "don't worry about it"- how do I not worry about it?! also you're on your feet all day long and constantly talking to people, whereas before I had some office or backroom time where I didn't need to be charming and polite. I am neither. ahem.

but it's nice not to have the weight of the entire business on my shoulders, and it's nice to not be stressed all the time. I'll get used to the chatting and the standing, and hey, I get paid nearly as much hourly as I did before, so that's cool. the money situation generally is not cool, but that's the other thing- time and a half on saturdays (when I work 8 hours anyway) AND AND AND spades of overtime- so I can work 6 days a week without as much stress as before and still make nearly as much as I did before. now how cool is that? so in the end, things aren't as dark as they may seem (at least not right now when I'm not trying to sleep!)

coworkers are also cool, which is nice.

however, the customers scare me. the other day we had someone return two "a child called it"-type books, books on fertility, and books on anger management and surviving abuse. fair enough for the first and last for the same people- but do they really want to be planning a baby when they still need the other books? I do worry. and an awful lot of people don't understand the concept of fines. one lady regularly screams at whoever is unlucky enough to have to ask her to pony up and calls them thieves and bastards. still, I've had worse screamed at me, so again....whoop!

anyway, off to play scrabble with the man

OH MY FREAKIN' GOD

you know how, when I wrote and sent away for the american CRB, I requested for them to release my record to lesley at the council, partly because that's what I was told to do by the policewoman I spoke to and partly because we were moving?

well

THEY SENT IT TO BLOODY LONGFELLOW COURT. FOUR WEEKS AGO.

still, 1. it is here! in this country! and 2. IT'S HERE!

the landlords were going over tomorrow morning anyway to empty the postbox out and take meter readings, so they said they would just bring all the mail back to theirs and I could come round and get it.

ladies and gentlemen, looks like I might actually be able to start earning money again....

the never-ending wait for the CRB continues! at least I have kept myself busy by knitting and falling down the stairs repeatedly.

the stairs here are a serious nightmare. no bannister, plus slightly loose carpeting, plus the fact that it's dark as anything, means that unless the light is on and you look at your feet the whole way down you inevitably take a tumble. my husband is calling me a "tumbletot" and I'm not proud of earning the nickname.

some light entertainment/payment is coming about in the form of cleaning the vicar's house once a week. it's not so bad- they're generally nice clean people, so I'm mostly just fiddling inside cupboards and polishing furniture. it means I have £20 a week that I don't need to ask the crispex for either, which is very nice. I have an application for "occasional work" at the fairtrade place in hebden (ha, which one?), but I'm not sure it's worth going for- they said no one would be around to look at it for another week, and probably by the time they set me up working the damn thing will have come through for the library. le sigh. is it worth the production of forms again and again for possibly two days a week for maybe two weeks? I need to find some nice cash-in-hand jobs methinks.

dad and anna have very kindly offered to pay my student loan bill for this month, which is MOST appreciated. so things are working out- yes we're overdrawn, yes we're barely hanging in there, yes it's all a great big mess, but we've been taken care of so far, and I'm not worried unduly. at least, not right now in the middle of the afternoon! come find me at 2 in the morning and I might tell you a different story.

my next project here in the home is to start researching some books on the internet to see how much they cost- some nice extra income could be generated that way. I just need to pin the crispex down on which ones we can actually bear to get rid of!

(I have tried to post this three times in two days so be patient if it's pants)

so yes- despite the utter blessed relief of not being at jacksons, I'm at a slight loss as to what to do. I KNOW what I SHOULD do, mainly clean and wash and tidy and pack etc. etc., but the will isn't there. admittedly this might be partly caused by yet another sinus infection- this is the third I've had since coming to this country, and probably the 5th one of my entire life, so I'm not fully used to them. headaches and whatnot are not things I deal with well.

still, today went all right- I did the washing up! will wonders never cease? now I just need to stop picking fights with the crispex at every opportunity and things will be back on track. have got some viewings for houses etc. this friday, though we may end up staying here after all- yes the journey is hell for chris BUT there's a serious dearth of decent places to live around here. or at least, places we can afford. arrgh!

anyway, having all this free time does have some benefits. endless noodling on the internet and poring through my knitting books has brought these gems to light- I worry if the amount of outside stimulation I'm getting has dropped to the point where I actually notice these things.

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I'm sorry sally melville, but that cookie looks like a poop.



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